People who make everything about them are usually not aware that they are doing it
We all know that person who is an incessant victim and makes everything about them. It is hard to be around them and we end up feeling guilty for sharing any of our own successes when they can’t be happy for us. Instead, anything positive in our lives is a reminder to them of their own shortcomings, and they make us pay. Or if we share our troubles with them, they have the need to outdo us with their own problems.
So what do we do when faced with this personality type / relationship dilemma in our family, coworkers or friends? In order to survive relationships with people like this, we need to understand what causes this behaviour – what mindset is behind it. Even though it can be aggressive, demanding, judgmental, disrespectful and demeaning, it stems from a place of lack in them. If their behaviour is unjustified then it is a result of their perception of life.
Calling them out on it might not be the best strategy, since you’re giving them exactly what they want: a conflict that’s actually about them, reinforcing their sense of victimhood. When you notice them twisting a situation in an effort to make it about them, you don’t have to engage at all. You can change the subject or walk away deciding you are needed elsewhere. If you cannot help but to engage then it is best for you to limit your association and seek counseling for strategies of coping.
When finding ourselves in a competitive state of resistance with someone who we find ‘impossible’ to deal with, we must notice our own thoughts and choose not to engage or fuel the negativity. Otherwise we become half the problem. The best option, in my opinion, is to mentally or verbally acknowledge to negative energy between both parties without laying blame, and withdraw from the situation thinking “I’m sorry you feel this way”.
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