Spotting the red flags, and knowing when to offer emotional support and seek professional help, can help save young lives.
When Amelia’s* parents discovered that she was engaging in self-harm, their immediate reaction was to get upset and go into denial – which caused her self-cutting behaviour to worsen. The reasons behind Amelia’s tendencies were manifold. Already struggling with depression, her grades suffered as she was unable to concentrate in school.
While it is understandable that parents may feel shocked and at a loss, it is important that they take steps to support their child as soon as possible. “Parents can share their concern for the teen’s safety and well-being in a constructive way,” he said. “Validate your child’s feelings and ask if there is anything you can do to help.”
In Amelia’s case, it was a letter her parents found at her desk that changed the way they approached the situation. In it, Amelia wrote about her struggles, including those she had with her parents. According to Dr Ng, some common physical signs of self-harm include unexplained cuts, bruises, burns or bite marks that often appear on the wrists, arms, thighs and chest. Behaviourally, teens may display a lack of motivation or interest; withdraw from family and friends; blame themselves for their problems; and pass comments like “I’m useless”, “I’m not good enough” and “I’m a failure”.
For parents to pick up on their child’s distress as early as possible, a strong parent-child relationship that is built on the quality and quantity of time spent together is needed. “Only then would parents be sensitive to changes in their teenager’s behaviour, actions, moods and routines, right down to the clothes they usually wear,” he said.
If a teen speaks about suicide, their words should be taken seriously and not dismissed as attention-seeking attempts, said Dr Ng. Nor should parents silence them for fear that the act of talking about suicide will plant more suicidal thoughts in their child’s mind. “Having open and honest conversations about suicide provides opportunities to communicate the underlying distress or stressors one has been facing,” explained Dr Ng.
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