I Make Ceramics to Keep My Hands Busy

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I Make Ceramics to Keep My Hands Busy
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No one wants to get clay all over their phone, you know?

Photo-Illustration: The Cut; Videos: Getty Six months into the pandemic, and 19 months after I stopped drinking, I found myself obsessing over a “situationship.” I transformed myself into the person I thought they needed me to be in order for this to work. I spent hours on my phone, scrolling on Instagram, waiting for this person to text so we could make plans.

I returned to that same studio where, I learned, wheel throwing was still not for me. It required me to be too exact, too disciplined. One sudden move could throw your pot off-center. Instead of quieting my brain, it turned the volume up, leaving me on edge as I internally yelled at myself to be perfect. But hand building, I learned, was different. With hand building I got to form clay with my hands, creating any weird and wonky shape I wanted.

I tried again. This time I told myself I would work as long as I wanted to and then would cover the piece with plastic when I was too tired to keep working on it at a later date. I built the base and came back the next week … to find that I hadn’t covered it properly and it had dried. Instead of throwing it away, I built on top of the dry piece, adding coils slowly. It created a lump, but gave it character. Coil by coil, I stopped when my arms couldn’t reach the top anymore.

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