Experts say the best way to protect oneself against coronavirus is to avoid close contact, and in the interest of being safe, there’s always phone sex …
Photo: Sasha/Getty Images At a recent White House coronavirus briefing, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases warned that in the face of the rapidly spreading virus, we all must alter our typical reckless, disgusting lifestyles. “We would like the country to realize that as a nation,” Dr. Anthony Fauci said, “we can’t be doing the kinds of things we were doing a few months ago.
As of now, public-health experts are still learning how exactly the coronavirus spreads. They know it can be transmitted through droplets that leave an infected person’s nose or mouth, but there’s currently no definitive data regarding whether the virus is present in secretions that leave your nether regions.
Phone sex, to the unaccustomed, might be intimidating. Am I really supposed to narrate what I want to do to this person I cannot touch, and ask them do it in return, and eventually orgasm? you might fret, your eyes frantically darting between your phone and your vibrator. And sorry, yes! But it’s fun.
To start, you might just need to zhuzh up your space a bit. If you’ve been self-quarantining or working from home — which everyone should do, if they can — whether or not you realize it, you’re probably a little feral from the lack of social interaction. Crack open a window and have a Proustian moment with the fresh air, letting distant memories of walking outside, unencumbered by anxiety, wash over you.
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