GREENVILLE, OH—Reaching a more profound understanding of what martyrdom really meant, local 12-year-old Charlie Ward reportedly took a moment Friday while doing the stations of the cross to reflect on the boredom Jesus Christ must have felt during the crucifixion. “At first, I wasn’t really paying attention, but as I slowly worked my way through all 14 stations, I began to realize just how mind-numbingly dull it must have been for Jesus to be crucified,” said Ward, confirming that the multi-part devotion had helped him comprehend Jesus’s rote and tedious experience of falling multiple times and encountering various people as he carried the heavy wooden cross. “It’s really moving to think that our Lord loves us so much that he was willing to shoulder this amount of insipid monotony. I know I’m going to remember it every time I make it through another grueling church service or Sunday school lesson.” At press time, Ward noted that finishing the stations of the cross had strengthened his resolve to do whatever he could to avoid the eternal torpor of Hell.
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