Her memory problems are a side effect of her medication, but her husband still points it out every time she repeats herself.
My husband has lately been telling me often, “That’s the fourth time you have asked me that.” It’s quite often, and I told him he is not aware of the side effects of the medications I take for chronic pain. Two list memory problems as side effects. I try not to complain about my pain or the limitations it causes me. My medications don’t make me irritable or mean — just forgetful.He is the same way with his mother and anyone else who might repeat a story.
If I confront him, he will say he’s just teasing. He is wonderful in so many other ways. I just would like some advice on how to stop this behavior.You do realize you’re not the only one repeating yourself, yes? He responds to your repetitions with one of his own.The two of you are coming at this problem from different directions for different reasons, but you’re getting to the same place: a dispiriting rut.
It sounds as if it would help each of you to spend some time imagining what the other’s predicament feels like. Right now, you’re both focused on your own experiences, and that contributes to the kind of empathy-deficit loop you’re in:Your mind is on your struggle with your pain and meds, and you want him to understand. His mind is on his struggle with your repetitiveness, and he wants you to understand.
Sympathy — giving — is what breaks it. You: “I know it’s hard to listen to the same thing for the nth time.” He: “I know it’s hard to have a chronic health condition.”Even better, once you’re both willing to do this for each other, you position yourselves to get out of the rut together. A simple,signal, which he agrees to give you when you’re repeating yourself, and you agree to heed graciously, could help you out. Maybe he … pats your forearm, if you’re close by. If not, he taps his ear twice.
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