A letter writer and her brother used to be close, but his wife is so easily offended that “we can’t really talk.”
My brother’s wife is not a bad person, but she’s really insecure and sensitive to the point that it’s really hard to be myself around her. My husband and parents feel the same way.Some examples: I once referred to a “waitress.” I got text messages for hours that night telling me I was horribly sexist for not using the term “server” instead. I apologized profusely for the sake of keeping the peace, but the texts didn’t stop. I ended up muting my phone.
I’m sort of over walking on eggshells around her, but if I upset her, my parents will be mad at me for not making an effort. My brother and I used to be very close but have drifted apart lately because we can’t really talk about anything substantive. He usually brings her everywhere. Do I have any options other than just avoiding her or staying silent when I’m near her?It must feel impossible to be yourself around her, but that’s exactly who you need to be.
He “didn’t agree” with her on the nickname, which is promising, but it’s possible in other ways — out of your sight — that he also adjusts and edits and suppresses himself. The “brings her everywhere” hints at her control issues. So commit to this course of action: Hold to your baseline self under her pressure, and keep communication lines to your brother open.· It sounds as if the sister-in-law is having serious mental health issues. This doesn’t change the need for boundaries, but knowing that might add some specific understanding of what is going on with her and how to most effectively hold those boundaries, and allow for compassion to balance the annoyance.
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