Advice | Carolyn Hax: We would like to spend a day this summer with her cleaning out her house, one drawer, closet, and room at a time, to sort of jump-start her healing and future wellness. Is this wildly inappropriate or the loving thing to do?
We want to help her and do not want to overstep. We would like to spend a day this summer with her cleaning out her house, one drawer, closet, and room at a time, to sort of jump-start her healing and future wellness. Is this wildly inappropriate or the loving thing to do?I’ll go with “loving thing to do,” though in its current form it does not sound like the effective thing to do. This is just not a job for one big assertive day, on a few levels.
Since you are at the threshold between helping and overstepping, responsiveness to her is paramount. It’s okay to come in with definitive offers, especially with a friend who is foundering and has expressed her dismay at that, but keep the offers small, small, small and give her a chance to take an affirmative step toward accepting them.
So, go ahead and intrude past your typical comfort point, but on a small scale. “Grab your sneaks. We’re going for a walk.” “I brought you some dinners for your freezer.” “I’m still listening, I’ll just be over here tackling these dishes.” That kind of thing. If she protests? “I want to do this. Please let me. You’ll get back to it yourself soon enough.” Not pushy. Nudgy. Balanced by generous doses of being there without trying to fix her.
You may not have that kind of time, reasonably, so rally the rest of the “we” you referred to in your letter. Delegate and schedule these small gestures so there is someone at her side on a regular basis, unobtrusively enough not to smother her but steadily enough to give yourselves a chance to catch her in this fall.
If you make a difference, and as you make a difference, look for any glimmer of receptiveness to the formal support she clearly needs. Having information handy for therapists and local grief support groups will prepare you for when that moment comes. Fingers crossed she lets you all in.
South Africa Latest News, South Africa Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Advice | Carolyn Hax: The tough anniversary of discovering husband’s affairAdvice | Carolyn Hax: I can’t help but feel a little like crawling out of my skin just thinking about what was happening this time last year. How can I get through this day, when my mind and body remember some really difficult things?
Read more »
Advice | Carolyn Hax: No sympathy card for stepmom after stepdaughter’s deathAdvice | Carolyn Hax: A letter-writer is hurt that her sister sent a sympathy card addressed just to her husband after her stepdaughter's death.
Read more »
Advice | Carolyn Hax: Holiday recipe? Kids get beds, single aunt gets couch.Advice | Carolyn Hax: The single sister is told the sleeping arrangement available to her is a couch or air mattress. The married-with-children sister is given both guest bedrooms. Should the married sister give up one of the bedrooms?
Read more »
Ice Spice Has Found a Mentor in Taylor Swift: 'She Gives Me So Much Advice'Ice Spice and Taylor Swift have kept in touch since their 'Karma' collaboration.
Read more »
Fantasy Baseball Weekend Preview: Lineup advice before the MLB All-Star BreakAs we head into the final weekend of games before the All-Star break, fantasy managers must be on their toes when setting daily lineups. Major league teams will take advantage of the looming break to build in extra rest days for players who are dealing with nagging injuries, and anyone who leaves a game early in the coming days might as well start their vacation early.
Read more »
Expert advice on student loan repayment optionsCollege grads will soon have to begin repaying their student loans and there’s a few different ways to go about it. InvestigateTV Consumer Investigator RachelDePompa talks with an expert from VACreditUnion about available payment plans.
Read more »