Advice | Carolyn Hax: The single sister is told the sleeping arrangement available to her is a couch or air mattress. The married-with-children sister is given both guest bedrooms. Should the married sister give up one of the bedrooms?
The prevailing “should” here applies to all the adults: to put an immediate stop to any of this “the single sister is told” business. Wow.The sisters can resolve it between themselves if the mother refuses to budge. The sister who gets the better deal is in an especially strong position to say, “[Single sister] always gets the air mattress, and it’s time we came up with a new, more respectful arrangement.
But my answer isn’t about who specifically does or doesn’t belong on the couch. Any arrangement can potentially make sense. My answer is only this: Adults who love and respect each other don’t stand for systems where one of them always gets the broken cookie. Instead, they talk. They listen. They offer suggestions. They get creative. Or they don’t budge but validate in abundance: “Kids and parents have a valid claim to beds, on the assumption nobody wants to be around us when we’re all sleep-deprived and screaming” — if the kids are little, it is indeed grueling — “but the day our family outgrows this demanding stage, you get the best room going forward into eternity, along with our undying thanks.” Or something like that.
If you’re the designated couch sister and they refuse you so much as a conversation about it? Hotel. I mean it. Honor yourself, even if it means weeks of ramen to afford it. You can’t make your family treat you well, but you can make sure you’re not around for them to mistreat you.
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