But you should be prepared for lots of work and soul-searching.
Once my former partner and I recognized that we had become codependent, we began taking steps to make our connection healthier. Rather than break up and confront our codependent tendencies alone, we chose to work together and face them as a team. Identifying where and how we had become codependent was certainly the first and most crucial step.
Dr. Plummer notes that while every couple is different, most frequently there is one partner who displays these behaviors while the other enables them. For example, someone who coddles their partner when they display too much emotional dependence—rather than encouraging them to self-soothe or process things independently—may be guilty of the enabling.
Within codependency, “individual interests and identity may become secondary, as the codependent partner's life revolves around the needs and desires of their partner,” says Dr. Tzall. “Poor communication patterns often emerge, [and] emotional manipulation may also be present, with codependent individuals using tactics like guilt-tripping or playing the victim to maintain control and gain attention from their partner.
In my former codependent relationship, my partner and I had a sit-down conversation about what our relationship had become, and what we needed to do to heal it. He expressed a need for more regular physical alone time, like watching TV or reading in a separate room to decompress after work. While I initially felt hurt by this revelation, I dug deep to confront where that was coming from .
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