World’s Frogs Unveil 5-Million-Year Plan To Move Up Food Chain

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World’s Frogs Unveil 5-Million-Year Plan To Move Up Food Chain
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EARTH—Declaring that they had occupied a low-level rung in the global ecosystem for far too long, the world’s frogs revealed Thursday an ambitious 5-million-year plan to move up the food chain.

According to frogs, the long-term, multipronged strategy will include a series of dietary, cognitive, behavioral, and morphological adaptations designed to help them as they evolve to inhabit a higher place in the biosphere’s order of predation. Provided they adhere to the developmental benchmarks they set out and run into few obstacles, frogs said they ultimately envision themselves at a tier of the food chain on par with hawks and ocelots.

“We recognize that such a diet will require pointed teeth as well as powerful jaws, and it is our intention to evolve these attributes on the fixed schedule we’ve laid out,” the frog continued. “As you can see on our timetable, we’ll start in on growing incisors in the near future.” While frogs confirmed their intention to continue capturing prey by shooting out their tongues, they expressed their desire to add some sharp barbs or a forked appearance to the appendage to give them the menacing appearance of “a true predator.

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