Many parents serve as their kids' cooks, chauffeurs, playmates, and alarm clocks, exhausting themselves and hindering children's independence. There's a better way.
Contrary to all the messages urging parents to do more for their kids, a growing number of research studies point to the advantages of doing less. Much of that research comes under the rubric of autonomy-supportive parenting, which essentially means allowing and encouraging kids to take greater charge of their own lives and do more for themselves.
This was true not only across families but also from day to day within families.If your children have become dependent on your doing a great deal for them, you may have to move gradually. Maybe start by asking them what they would like to do for themselves, or for the family. Maybe you are doing things for them that they would rather do for themselves. Then move on, gradually, to things they really should be doing as part of growing up, but so far are not—maybe just one at a time.
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