Anyone who’s ever worn a heel with an ankle strap and buckle (like Tanya did) knows how difficult it is to get them off
— I’m willing to see past all those sartorial question marks. But the one I need explained immediately is why Tanya was found barefoot. She fell overboard with a set of Betsey Johnson heels on and was discovered without them. Anyone who’s ever worn a heel with an ankle strap and buckle knows how difficult it is to get them off. They take a firm grip, nimble fingers, and deft maneuvering.
Watching her scamper about the deck, ignoring the perfectly good set of stairs available for use, we were all thinking the same thing: “Take your heels off, Tanya! Give yourself more balance to work with!” Perhaps if she’d done so, she might still be alive. And yet there she was, clickety clacking about, frazzled as ever. She fell, and perished in her bedazzled shoes. So where did they go?
Did a dolphin, notoriously smart and mischievous, perhaps unlatch her heels with its tiny, sharp mammalian teeth and glide away? Did a shark swim by and chomp them off? Did the Little Mermaid happen past and decide to spare Tanya the embarrassment of leaving behind a tacky corpse? All I know is 24 hours in water, no matter how rough, isn’t enough to whisk away a pair of heels strapped to your ankles like that, dead or alive … Unless I’m wrong? Forensic fashion experts, please write in.
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