My mom is a narcissist. Growing up, love in my home was conditional. There were, and still are, strings attached to everything.
There are skeletons in my family closet. The kind that haunt you late at night when you can’t sleep. Emotionally, I have had walls up for as long as I can remember. People have always told me, you either know me well or you do not know me at all. I do not have traditional acquaintances per se, and I am certain this has deep roots in trust and abandonment issues that I have harbored my entire life. My mother, you see, is a master narcissist.
Even when my older sister would get in trouble, it would somehow come back to being my fault. My mother was also jealous of my relationship with my stepdad. She made frequent comments regarding how often we texted and about our shared love of football and sports in general.
.” We knew we could not go to her for any type of support or affection and certainly not for empathy. Whatever we were dealing with, her life was always much worse—she’d dealt with much more, and no one was there to hold her hand so we’d better get over it! My mother would mock us if we cried. I remember feeling badly for my sister because she was a crier, and our mother would prey on it.
Somehow, I decided I was meant to have that baby. I am still not sure how I came to that decision, but I knew it was the right choice. My mother planned my baby shower—or I should say she plannedbaby shower. It was at the country club, with multi-course meals and loads of people, many of whom were her friends. Beforehand, I kept saying, “I am broke. I need diapers, money, formula, the basics.” My mother wouldn’t, couldn’t, hear any of it.
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