A woman living with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) describes burying her trauma in mental 'storage boxes' and how she's dealing with it.
There are all these boxes in my head. Each one holds demons and emotions I can’t or won’t deal with at the moment. I feel like, if I stuff something in a box and put it aside, eventually it will suffocate and die. I won’t ever have to deal with what’s inside.
Sometimes the things in a box do die and stay stuffed in a box. Other times, these demons are scratching and screaming, working on coming out, determined I deal with them head on. I refuse to; I won’t. I’m terrified. I’m terrified of the feelings these demons evoke.This system has worked up until my 40th year of life. At 40, all these demons have awoken and are fighting for their lives. They have to come out and breathe. I’m overwhelmed with feelings and emotions I’ve never dealt with.
While I’m dealing with all this, I’m stuck in the house because I’m scared of the world. I’m probably not dealing well, but I’m trying. Unfortunately, when these boxes open, all I know to do is fight. That looks like me pushing everyone away. Acting out in anger. Striking first before someone strikes me.
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