What to Say, and When to Say It, After the Next Tragedy

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What to Say, and When to Say It, After the Next Tragedy
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How to respond when a child asks you what an 'assault rifle' is

There is no one right thing to say when it comes to talking to young children about tragedy.

Listening matters more than talking; a child’s questions will lead you to what, and how much, information they need.came home from a playdate with his preschool BFF, his father noticed that he seemed upset and unusually irritable. After a snack, they sat down together and he said, “Sam, you seem unhappy.

Sam’s father had read about the shooting but had no idea that Sam would hear about it, too. He'd had no intention of mentioning it, given its distance from Sam’s life. Now the cat was out of the bag, and he found his heart racing as he began to search for the “right thing” to say. There is no one right thing to say, ever. Listening matters more than talking because your child’s questions will lead you to what—and how much—information they need. By waiting to hear what Sam was thinking and feeling, his father knew immediately that Sam didn’t need an answer about the caliber of assault rifles; he needed to know that he was safe, that his mom was safe, and that he is not where the man with a “salt” gun lived.

Whether it’s a mass shooting, war in another country, or any of the other horrific events that seem to cascade into our daily lives, here are a few truths to guide parents of young children:There is no perfect thing to say that will make everything alright. And there is little to be gained by trying to force a child to talk when they are not ready. Give it time, keep the door open, and make it comfortable for them to talk about their feelings.

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