For the author, depression made basic tasks feel overwhelming. It made parenting feel almost impossible.
I seem like an unlikely candidate for depression. When I was 13, I wrote in my journal that when I grew up, I wanted to be married with two daughters, and I wanted to work as a reporter.
When one of my daughters was in the second grade, she started vomiting every night. Doctors couldn’t figure out why she was constantly nauseated, why her stomach always hurt, why her adorable 6-year-old face started to break out like a teenager. She was constantly crying. They even gave her ultrasounds and an MRI to look for a possible brain tumor that could be causing her to have so many seemingly odd health issues.
Then came the naps. I hadn’t been a napper ever ― my to-do list was always too long to allow for a nap ― but I was just so tired. So I snuck in a nap one day. It felt so nice to fast-forward my day via the nap, that I started doing it daily. From the outside, I began to look like a neglectful parent. One who didn’t care. I did care, but parenting had become so exhausting. It was hard enough remembering to wash the kids , but I couldn’t also remember to wash myself. I was crying over the tiniest things ― I literally cried over spilled milk.My husband is the most patient person I’ve ever met, but even he was getting frustrated.
If parenting with depression is hard, getting help for depression when you’re a parent can be even harder. When you’re a full-time caretaker for someone else, it can be difficult to find time for basic self-care like getting your hair cut ― or some days, taking a shower. So where do you find the time and energy to take the steps necessary to fix your mental health?
After 10 mg of Prozac, I began to feel like I didn’t need to nap as much. An additional 20 mg, and I could eat again and help my children with their homework. Life didn’t seem so difficult. It was when I wanted to cook dinner for the kids ― a real dinner, like a real mom ― that I realized I was actually feeling better. I actually looked up a recipe that didn’t involve eggs, I bought the ingredients and I cooked it. I even ate some of it with them, for a family meal.
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