'Ever since I can remember, I’ve always found myself thinking it was my turn to speak, then speaking, and finding myself being spoken over by whomever I’m talking to until I shut up in confusion and shame.'
.” But they generally see it as an excuse I’m using, or just another symptom of my weirdness. We’re trying hard to embrace people with differences, including brain differences. But ADHD looks too much like weirdness or “rude” behavior to gain much traction in the sympathy department.
Moreover, because I was never helped with my social skills as a child, I bear the psychic wounds that come from bullying and peer rejection. Ask me how many friends I have from grade school, middle school, or high school, and I’ll laugh. I am envious of people who keep in touch with their kindergarten BFF, or who speak fondly of their still-tight gang of middle-school pals. My social skills deficit has robbed me of that, and instead given me a raging case of clinical.
I do have a few friends. They tend to be the outsiders, like me. The girl who looks like she walked straight out of a sorority house and raises praying mantises — she’s my buddy. So is the woman who clear-cuts kayaking trails with a chainsaw for fun. But mostly, my friends have ADHD, too. My husband has ADHD. The man of honor at my wedding, one of my best friends for life, has ADHD. So does my poet friend, who’s actually. So does the mother of my ADHD son’s best friend, who also has ADHD.
My social issues suck. They’re crippling. I’ve tried to find an ADHD coach to work with me, but they’re all about organization and less about social interaction. So I muddle along as best I can. I try to be charming. I try to be considerate. I try, desperately, to put the other person first. But I can do it only for so long. I have ADHD, after all. And eventually it pops out. All I can do is pray that the other person has the grace to go with it.
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