Thou shalt follow the tuna commandments.
At the very same time that Warner was massacring his tuna melt, I, as if guided by fate, had already started my own efforts at the sandwich's redemption. I was on a mission to create the most righteous, and undeniably delicious tuna melt I could—and, though I didn't know it at the time, restore order to the Tuna Meltiverse.
The resulting commandments are better than I could have ever come up with on my own because they take this diversity into account. There's even a tidbit of wisdom from Warner, proof that even the worst tuna melt isn't entirely terrible. The recipes I created to accompany these commandments are equally diverse: Instead of a single tuna melt recipe, I've created three, each representing a tuna-melt archetype.
*I reached out to Warner's Digital Media Director for comment on the mortar and pestle and was told Warner's daughters are much better cooks than the Senator. Still, even if he can't cook as well as his daughters, merely being in the same family as someone who would know to invest in a mortar and pestle of that caliber would lead to some culinary knowhow.
Here's what does matter about the bread: You need to respect its proportions. Too much mayonnaise-y tuna salad becomes grotesque without an appropriate amount of bread to cut its fishy, fatty intensity. But how thick the bread needs to be depends on both its tenderness and whether you're going with an open-faced construction or not.
The other important thing with the bread is to toast it properly, but that one's so important it gets its own commandment...While I'm sure most of us can agree that Warner's steamy microwaved sandwich bread isn't the way to go, that's where the consensus ends. I tried a bunch of toasting options from dry-toasted to mayo-slathered to oil and butter-basted bread and beyond.
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