For years, these images infused my sense of self and my image of what a female protagonist should be like. No longer.
Journalist Lisa Ling, shown at the Los Angeles Premiere Of “Hidden Letters” at Laemmle Royal last week in Los Angeles.When I thought about the names for these tropes, I started noticing a pattern: dragon lady, the dangerous and seductive Asian woman who hungers to take down the protagonist; the tiger mom, the overly strict and controlling Asian parent; and madame butterfly, the passive and naïve Asian girl who has very little to say.
I was 12 when I first realized that. In the awkward age of shiny braces, growth spurts and daydreaming about your crush, my best friend told me she knew a guy who was perfect for me. I remember leaning over her shoulder, my ear pressed to the house phone as she called him. She babbled away at every detail about me: how much I made her laugh, how fun I was to have around when the days passed by too slowly.
Whether I was writing about ordinary teenagers or powerful witches, the protagonists representing me in the story were always tall white girls with sleek blonde hair. I believed this protagonist was the only way I could have a place in these imaginary worlds without ridicule. She had no shame attached to her identity, no stereotype, no caricature. She had full freedom to be anything she wanted. She would be accepted and loved by the readers I wrote for.
My imagination had been twisted to see a predominantly white world where I wasn’t good enough to exist.
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