'The last two years have worn down my protective layers, and now I’m a turtle without its shell.'
I am no stranger to anxiety; in fact, I am a pro. I was ripped off my mother’s leg by a teacher every morning until middle school. I worried my way through organized activities, panicked before school presentations, and left sleepovers early. I cried breathlessly on a sidewalk curb on my first morning waking up in my college dorm — heart beating out of my chest, begging my parents to bring me back home.
The last two years wore down the layers of protection I have spent years creating. I am now a turtle without her shell, and my entire nervous system is exposed to the elements. My heart races in the grocery store parking lot as thoughts of my baby choking on a blueberry flood my mind. I leave plans early to get home, worried that someone is upset with me or convinced my toddler has fallen down the stairs.and opted for forty-five minutes of high intensity strength training.
As a introvert, allowing myself to turtle back into my shell for two years undoubtedly left its mark. I have worked hard for a long time — mostly for the betterment of my husband and kids — to strengthen my social muscles. I forced myself to attend the things, host the stuff, and talk to the people — and I actually got enough reps in that it started to feel a little natural. Well, my Covid sabbatical dumped me right back out at freshman year drop off day.
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