'Today marks a new beginning. You are changing the narrative.'
You take your three children to McDonald’s, not expecting to fight with Jessica, your 10-year-old, but she throws herself onto the sticky floor, screaming because you put ketchup on her fries. When you finally convince her to take your set of untouched ones, she sits down, then gingerly plucks at the pile while eyeing you with a look of distrust. She lifts one golden fry and studies it like a specimen before she pops it in her mouth.
Your 12-year-old daughter, Alia, is indignant. She pounds on the table and says, “Mommy, that lady can’t talk to you like that. Why didn’t you tell her?” Now you regret you didn’t leave Jessica at the group home. But this is Saturday. And Jessica comes home on Saturdays. For a moment, you consider taking her back, but it’s almost time for her to go to bed.
Within 15 minutes, Jessica is fast asleep, but the caretaking has tested your patience. What you resent more than anything is the way you see yourself. The bedraggled mother of aYou will think of your own mother, a woman who criticized you for being different, for wearing jeans and riding your bike around the block with the boys instead of wearing dresses and playing with dolls, and you chastise yourself for all the ways you have criticized Jessica’s differences.
But it’s not nothing. You put on the best matter-of-fact face you can muster. This is your moment of clarity. You can finally address what you have always been afraid to face: your secret shame.
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