Want to be loved and appreciated by others? Then make your partners in all kinds of relationships feel truly understood, seen, and heard. Here's how, by glenngeher
When two partners naturally and regularly validate one another in this way, genuine love has potential to permeate the relationship. And as so many songwriters, from John Lennon and Paul McCartney to Willie Nelson , Huey Lewis , Bob Dylan , etc., have been expressing for years, few experiences in life rival that of true love. In short: Mutual validation can be thought of as a foundational feature of any truly loving relationship.
"I really can't stand when you leave the dirty dishes in the sink. That is just disgusting! Why do you do that?!?!" "Well you clearly don't care about my work in the slightest! And by the way, I can't stand how you fold the kitchen towels. Can't you just fold them neatly? Is that too much to ask?!"This example, which was designed to characterize the kind of bickering that might be found in any household, can be understood in terms of a patterns of mutual invalidation. In this example, each partner is criticizing the other, an act that starts things on invalidating footing.
First, talk with your partner about the importance of validation in a relationship, along with its connection to love and relationship harmony. If you engage in this activity and it seems like your validating acts clearly outweigh your invalidating acts, then take that as a plus. On the other hand, if it is clear that invalidating acts outweigh validating acts when it comes to how you treat your partner, you and your partner may well have a problem on your hands.
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