SexDiaries: 'Then B brings me up to face him and we learn that he is a nipple pincher, which I’ve never really understood but can work with'
Illustration: by Marylu E. Herrera This week, a man strikes out on Tinder, meets someone new on Grindr, and fields texts from a persistent hookup: 30, single, Harlem.8 a.m. I missed a 2 a.m. “u around” text from N, who I’ve been hooking up with for the past few months. I tell him I was asleep and he replies immediately, asking if he can come over.
6 p.m. As soon as the workday is over I go for a run. Within five minutes I’m by the river, which always helps clear my head and shake me out of the work funk.DAY TWO 6 p.m. H writes back. The conversation devolves pretty quickly into innuendo: He speaks of pillars being erected in my honor, which is maybe a little much. I send screenshots to my friend J, asking what to make of this. “Oh, he’s definitely into you,” J says. After a few more rounds of banter I try to segue out of the land of double entendre and into a more traditional getting-to-know-you conversation.
9.30 p.m. B is as tall as promised — basically a foot taller than me — and in general entirely the kind of man I go for. His first move is the blessèd “get on your knees,” but: There is straight porn playing? We are just going to do this in the middle of the room? I am not entirely certain what is going on, but I do well with directives, so down I go. It turns out that his height poses challenges; I have never had to maintain such good posture while sucking dick.
11 p.m. At home, I contemplate getting myself off, but am a little too unnerved and also irritated. I do not think B was an experience I intend to repeat.11 a.m. N messages right as I am about to go into another Zoom meeting. He says “I need you” and sends a dick pic that really backs up the statement, but N is not the one giving me health insurance. When I ask if he can wait till 12:30, I know there will be no response.
5 p.m. I’m helping an intern I know get a full-time job at one of the publisher’s I work with, so we talk about me being a reference and what else I can do to advocate for them. Another thing I like about N is that he figured out without being told that he could play rough, and after a while he has me lie on my back on the bed with my head hanging over so he can go, as it were, to town. Normally he prefers to be swallowed, but today when he is about to “bust,” as he puts it — this is the only verb I’ve ever heard him use; not “come,” not “nut,” always “bust” — he goes for the facial.
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