The Woodygate cables: “Wednesday—Today Mark Carney came over. I've put him in the waiting room where I keep old copies of The Economist that nobody has read”
Today Theresa May came over. Said she wanted a trade deal to cement her legacy before she quits as prime minister in a couple of weeks. I told her Britain would need to accept our food standards, and gave her chlorinated chicken to show her how delicious our traditional American chow is. I think she liked it, and she has nice manners: when she clears her throat, she lifts her napkin up to her mouth and coughs straight into it.
He lectured me about Labour’s position on the terms of a trade deal after Brexit. Sir, I know you said that health-service provision should be “on the table” in a deal, but if Corbyn’s state is anything to go by, I don’t think we should touch it. In the middle of a speech about how the workers, united, would never let America take over their National Health Service, he suddenly collapsed on the carpet, clutching at his heart.
She was kind of wondering whether we could put aside that difficult episode in 1776, and thought that she might get a gig with us. I said it could be tricky, what with her being British and all, but she’s a very determined woman. She tried the line that she had a half-American great-grandson, and then said she’s got a great place in Scotland you could have. It has room for lots of golf courses and she’d make you a Thane. Now she seems to have dozed off.
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