Coercive behavior in a relationship may start small, and then gradually become all-encompassing. This is what experts want you to know.
At one point years ago I was adrift, depressed—and flattered that a fairy-tale-handsome guy I met at a club one night was into me. Like, really into me. He set up an adorable picnic for our first date. He bought me a fancy cocktail dress for our third. And a few weeks later, he told me he loved me.
I remember my best friend complaining, “Why do you always get the good ones?” But I hadn’t told her that he had pressured me into sex. That he refused to wear condoms. That he once sent me to the bathroom to take out my diaphragm because he could “feel” it. Now, a healthy marriage and two kids later, I can see that he was trying to get me pregnant so I couldn’t leave him—a commonly used tactic in abusive relationships, a form of reproductive coercion.
Financial manipulation is another way to leverage power in a relationship. Mr. Fairy Tale, for example, urged me to sell my “unsafe” old VW Beetle and offered to lease me a newer car. He also said he’d pay me if I quit my evening job, so he wouldn’t have to worry about me being out alone at night. I declined both offers—and broke up with him soon after, as his controlling and sexually coercive behavior worsened.
“Oftentimes you’ll hear abusive partners say, ‘I don’t want anyone to hurt you, and that’s why I check your social media,’ or ‘I’m just trying to take care of you, and that’s why you have to be home at 5,’ ” says Ruth M. Glenn, president and CEO of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. “But we help women understand that this is evidence of the partner’s desire to maintain power over them. It’s not just love, or worry, or jealousy—it’s unhealthy.
To be clear, “This doesn’t mean that a ‘pushy’ partner who texts you a lot, or someone who is jealous and insecure about one particular person, place, or thing is an ‘abuser,’ ” says Stanizai. “Abuse is part of a pattern of controlling and manipulative behaviors that cause fear or intimidation in a partner, not an isolated incident or one touchy subject.”
South Africa Latest News, South Africa Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Brexit is the ideal moment to make English the EU’s common languageToday over 80% of the European Commission’s documents are written first in English and then translated
Read more »
John Legend Dances With Luna & Makes a Powerful Statement With Common at Hollywood Bowl ConcertJohn Legend's catalog is full of romantic ballads written specifically for his wife, Chrissy Teigen, so it was especially poignant for the crowd at Saturday's opening night of the Hollywood Bowl season to see those songs performed directly to the singer/songwriter's muse sitting in the front section.
Read more »
Elder abuse is frighteningly common — at home and in nursing facilitiesTwo studies show the vulnerability of seniors — how to protect them.
Read more »
Common Reveals the Moment He Knew He Needed Therapy After His Failed Relationships (Exclusive Video)In a TooFab exclusive sneak peek, Common is asked when he decided he needed to speak with a therapist about what he's previously described as his 'love addiction.' (via toofab)
Read more »
https://www.instyle.comInStyle is the leading site for celebrity style. See expert fashion advice, star hairstyles, beauty tips, how-to videos and real-time red carpet coverage.
Read more »
https://www.instyle.comInStyle is the leading site for celebrity style. See expert fashion advice, star hairstyles, beauty tips, how-to videos and real-time red carpet coverage.
Read more »