How to stand up to the fear of failure
. That B tells a woman she isn’t good enough; that B tells a man he just needs to work harder, or perhaps even that he did fine. In essence, when women are in a context where we’re defying gender stereotypes – studying hard sciences, engineering, or mathematics, or getting into business – we becomemore anxious about failing and reinforcing those same perceptions.
If you don’t believe me, look right now at the overcrowded Democratic presidential primary. Men with zero public profile are throwing in their hats with zero hesitation, while the women in the field aresome of the party’s best and brightest . Seth Moulton believes he’s every bit as qualified as Kamala Harris or Liz Warren, and Pete Buttigieg has gone from mayor of a small city with no name awareness to actual contender – because he had the guts to try.
You too should have the baseline unearned confidence of your average white guy, because that creates and sustains opportunities. It’s a confidence in yourself and your own abilities, a brazenness that seems to come naturally with a lifetime of privilege but which we need to adopt, in a classic display of “fake it ‘till you make it.” First you predict your future, and then you make it happen.
I think, ultimately, the key is being future-focused instead of present-focused, recognizing that the humps and hurdles, the criticism and sexism, the implications that we cannot succeed, pass with the setting sun, and that every day is a chance to prove the doubters wrong. That can take time, education, and experience, but it doesn’t happen unless failure is a stepping stone and not a boulder blocking the road. We all deserve to have that freedom.
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