If I could give anyone a piece of advice about coming out of a long marriage with a broken heart, it would be to find yourself a new pal
It felt like a blank page, like a new person for a new period of my life, and a safe zone to work out who the f**k I was going to be now. Plus it helped that he’s a bloke, so when I startedhe was around to tell me things that I should really have known, like “men sometimes lie to women”.
During a marriage you tend to amass couple friends, who you share with the person you’re now presumably not that keen on. This is problematic for two reasons. First, anyone who was a shared friend will probably relay information back and forward between you and say things like “I’m not taking sides”. Second, the friendships from within your marriage are suited to the rhythm of your couple life. It’s dinner parties, play dates with the kids, maybe couple holidays.
What you need, in an ideal world, is someone who has known you a little bit for a long time, but who you’ve never been close with, and who, crucially, is willing to hate your ex. While you’re navigating the “am I sure I’m not the bad person here?” moments, you need someone who will call them a landscape of creatively formatted insults and remind you of all the horrible things you’ve told them at 2am over a third bottle of wine.
It’s not that my pre-divorce friends weren’t amazing. They were. Some of them were so amazing I can’t even put it into words. But I needed a fresh start, and I needed to be around people who didn’t know me as “Wife Rebecca”, who had a clean read on who I was as a person, and who didn’t have any emotional investment in my marriage. I also needed to be around people who were child free, because watching people in their happy couples with their blissful domestic lives was too painful.
Obviously Sophie Turner stepping out with the Patron Saint of Heartbreak, who also dated her ex husband some years ago, looks intended to grab attention and make headlines. But compared to the PR tactics we’ve seen in recent weeks against Sophie Turner, this is incredibly gentle stuff. Powerful, creative, self-reliant Taylor is exactly the kind of Divorce Bestie you need when you’re processing the loss of the world you’ve lived in for years.
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