Usually, a small disagreement in a relationship takes off into a full-fledged argument when one person starts to become defensive. Therapist Lauren Consul says there are ways to “stop an argument in its tracks”.
Usually, a small disagreement in a relationship takes off into a full-fledged argument when one person starts to become defensive.
“This question is key because it does one of two things. First, it can allow for clarification. A lot of times, when we’ve become defensive, we’ve interpreted something our partner has said incorrectly. We’ve run it through a filter, we’ve told ourselves a story about it, it’s triggered something… So we’re not actually hearing what your partner says, and it allows for clarification.”
The key in relationships is remembering this tactic in the heat of the moment, which could be very difficult to do when you feel provoked or out of your depth.The other problem is starting an argument with someone in the wrong also bodes trouble. There are many people out there who have opinions which are not based on facts or logic and have trouble thinking critically, which makes any discussion with them tricky as they have no concept of how to engage.
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