As a rape survivor, Marnie felt pressure to hide her physical & mental health even from her closest friends & family. Read how SelfLove & SelfCare gave her the space & time to heal. SAAM
I was a 22-year-old record label manager with siren-red dyed hair the night I was attacked at knifepoint in front of my New York City apartment door. The stranger bound, blindfolded and brutallyme for hours. I did not float above my body and watch the events from above. My mind was laser-focused on staying alive, so I was fully present the entire time, storing every second in my head.
My doctors told me I’d never pass out from an anxiety disorder. On my way to work one morning, a wave of terror overtook me like a tidal wave. I broke into a cold sweat, and my vision blurred. I got off at my stop, and the next thing I remember was seeing wingtip shoes and leather pumps step over my body on the subway platform. The station was several levels below the street, and it seemed like forever before the paramedics arrived to transport me to the emergency room.
Almost a decade after I was attacked, the rapist was caught through a state initiative to re-examine rape kits before the then 10-year statute of limitations ran out. Within weeks, he was caught, and a year later, we went to trial. I was grateful that the case was solved, but I knew reliving my past would test my physical and mental health — and my relationships. I was in a serious relationship, lived in an apartment that felt like home, and had a job I loved.
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