Putin Crony Reassures Minions He’s Not Ill, Just Bloated

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Putin Crony Reassures Minions He’s Not Ill, Just Bloated
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Just a little bloating.

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov gathered his minions on Tuesday to tell them how excited he was to learn that he’s not ill, just unusually bloated. The announcement was clearly an exciting one to him and him alone: Government officials stared at him blankly as he told attendees of an official meeting on social and economic development that he’d recently paid a visit to a doctor. “People are attributing various diseases to me: Sometimes I have problems with my kidneys, sometimes with the liver.

And they come up to me with different treatments, as if they know my medical history. I even began to have doubts and underwent medical tests, maybe I really am sick,” Kadyrov said between awkward chuckles. He went on to have the republic’s health minister confirm for all present that he was in fact “absolutely healthy,” according to footage aired by state media. “All the test results I got were good,” Kadyrov declared.

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