Perspective: The world’s saddest plant is helping me understand my daughter’s teen years
By Laura Todd Carns May 20 at 11:30 AM A few years ago, I was looking for some kind of large and indestructible plant that would make our house seem like a lush oasis in the dead of winter. Perhaps it was a bit of a tall order. My children tagged along, distracted by the bird feeders and whirligigs. “A plant! A living thing!” I reminded them.
And so I watered and I fertilized and slowly, slowly, new leaves began to emerge, large and shiny green, however sparse. A few tentative buds developed, then bloomed spectacularly into improbable pink flowers. When the weather got warm enough, I moved Hibby onto the back deck.Over the past few years, I’ve learned that Hibby needs attention, but not too much. Overwatering will do as much damage as neglect.
It’s also hard to know what changes might be working. Like the proverbial steering of an ocean liner, it takes a long time for a small change to have any visible effect. Did adding fertilizer to the water help? What about turning the pot 90 degrees? It might be a month before I notice any change, and by then I won’t know what to attribute it to.
Together, we try to negotiate a balance. How much nagging is just enough? Where is the line between providing her with enough autonomy to succeed on her own terms and providing a safety net to protect her from the more dangerous stumbles? Where does my care feel warm and comforting, and where does it stifle? The answers to these questions are fluid, ever-changing.
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