Opposites Don't Attract: Why Couples Are So Alike

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Opposites Don't Attract: Why Couples Are So Alike
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A new study shows that members of a couple are alike on up to 89% of the traits scientists studied

e all know couples who, on the surface at least, seem incompatible. One person is an introvert, the other an extravert; one likes fine wine, the other never drinks; one is deeply religious, the other doesn’t believe. It’s those pairs who give rise to the idea that opposites attract. But that notion appears to be mistaken.

The sample group the researchers surveyed was both wide and deep. First, they conducted a meta-analysis of 22 traits couples may or may not share which were studied in 199 published papers going back as far as 1903. Collectively, those papers contained information on 8.5 million people. Next, they turned to the, a British data bank that contains the genetic, health and behavioral information of over half a million U.K. residents who volunteered to contribute to the project.

Of all of the traits the researchers studied, so-called passive traits—ones that are more demographic than personal—tended to be the ones partners had most in common. Year of birth, for example, had a convergence score of 0.9. Where the partners met was not covered by the new paper, but would likely show convergence as well. “If you’re in a city,” says Keller, “you’re more likely to select a partner from the same city.

“This convergence can be a very rapid process,” says Keller. “If a spouse smokes or drinks when you’re around, you’re exposed to it more and you may begin to mimic your partner.”Physical traits did not correlate quite as closely as behavioral ones do, but they were solidly above the zero line too. Height had a correlation of 0.25, with tall people tending to choose a tall mate and short people choosing a short mate. Something similar is true of weight—with a 0.23 convergence.

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