Dear How to Do It: She feels like she’s doing something in a situation that makes her feel powerless.
My partner and I are both working at in-person jobs and don’t live together. I can be incredibly turned on during the afternoon and fantasize a lot of sex throughout the day. But by the time we can see each other that night I’ve had to pick up dog shit, cook dinner, commute, etc. that I am often at best neutral about sex, if not turned off.
Another tactic is focusing on what attracts you to your partner. What qualities drew you in and turned you on in the first place? What makes you feel warm inside now? What angles of their face remind you of hot memories?If this starts to feel like one more thing to complete or stress about, take a break from whatever you can and be patient with yourself.My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for five. We have sex often and know how to please one another.
If communication in other areas is smooth, you can look at what works well for ideas about how to approach this subject. You’ll know, after eight years together, what your husband needs to be comfortable and what kind of reassurance he needs before delving into a difficult topic. From there, let him know that you need more non-sexual touch than you’re getting, and you’d like that touch to come from him.
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