Ask the expert: ‘My three-year-old’s tantrums are wild. What is the best way to handle him when he gets so angry?’ parenting
In addition, it is perfectly normal for your three-year-old to “want to stop” a tantrum but not know how and indeed it is great that he can tell you this as this is the beginning of emotional literacy. By being reassuring and understanding you will help him cope. Below are some more ideas as to how you can respond and help your son manage his emotions.If you react or get angry when your son is throwing a tantrum this is liable to cause things to escalate.
1) If your son is angry with you because he can’t go out, continuing to talk with him to explain the reasons why he can’t go out, will likely aggravate the tantrum. Instead, he might need less talk and a bit of space to back down. Focusing him on an alternative positive choice might help – “You can’t go out, but you can play with your cars”. Positive distractions can work very well with preschoolers.
2) If his tantrum escalates and becomes a “battle of wills” to get you to change your mind, taking a break is important. You might ask him to sit on the couch for a few minutes to calm – “When you are calm, then we can play”. Make sure your tone is calm and friendly and give him lots of praise when he changes his behaviour – “Good boy, now we can play with the cars”.
3) However, if your son is overtired or overwhelmed, then a completely different approach is needed. Then he might need lots of gentle soothing and contact with you. Sitting with him and holding and soothing him and being warm and patient will all help. It might also work to do a relaxing, low-energy activity with him such as reading a book together or playing some nice, quiet music in the background to change the mood.
If you do have to take him to the supermarket, try to make it a fun experience by giving him his own shopping list with three items and having a nice reward at the end.
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