This humorous piece reflects on the physical and emotional realities of approaching middle age. The author shares experiences of new aches and pains, a desire for a classic Land Rover, and a newfound acceptance of life's changes, including the inevitability of hair loss.
As I approach my 47th birthday in just under a month, I've started experiencing niggles in places of my body I didn't know existed. For some reason, I managed more than two hours of 5s football last week without any hassle. I put that down to muscle memory. But every morning I wake up with a new ache in my back. I've tried different sleeping positions only to discover backache in a new spot. \Back to cars, I am working on purchasing a classic Landrover Defender to restore.
The endgame is to make it one helluva head turner with a V8 engine and filthy wheels, an interior that has all the creature comforts and a sound system that will wake up the neighbours. Many will call me crazy. Especially those who own one of these beasts. I owned one in my 20s and it was one of the most horrible vehicles to drive. It kept overheating, had the handling of a tractor and was just plain uncomfortable. But I want one with every fibre of my being. This is the vehicle that will transport me from my midlife crisis in my 40s to my midlife crisis in my 50s. Watch out, midlife crises; this is an experienced campaigner who has navigated anxiety and depression relatively well considering being an ardent Manchester United supporter. But while the mind is willing, the body is taking a beating. \Yesterday morning, I woke up with that great Sealy feeling (to borrow the earworm ad jingle from the 1980s). No backache. I quickly called Mrs Abarder to enquire what my sleeping position was. She didn’t know so I have concluded it was a number of things that conspired to leave me free of backache yesterday. Firstly, my 7-year-old daughter had devised a new game with me as the prop for her spa treatment business in our living room. I was treated to neck and shoulder rubs, head and face massages and an ankle rub. It all happened in instalments of 1 minute at a time, but it accumulated to leave me feeling refreshed. Secondly, after my spa day, I settled down in the way you would when watching a horror flick to see Manchester United climb Everest to beat Arsenal on penalties in an FA Cup match. It was an expletive-laden session that lasted 140 minutes but released all the right endorphins to make me feel good. Thirdly, in my mind, I let go of financial stresses. I am going to fight my way through Januworry – even though there are still 83 days of the month left to negotiate. It is what it is and there is everything we need to get through it. Keep calm, stay at home and save money! Beyond yesterday’s realisations, I’m running on the positive fumes and have made peace with a number of things. I no longer have among the biggest football shirt collections around because I just don’t have the space. Ditto for the man cave I once created that was my private universe to be the caveman all men really are. The male pattern balding is winning and I’ve decided to cut it all off. The irony is that the bald cut shaves years off your general looks and is easy to maintain. And finally, I’m comfortable in my 80kg unit, which is slowly starting to show wear and tear
Midlife Crisis Aging Health Cars Land Rover Humor Acceptance
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