Dear Care and Feeding: It’s not a conversation I’ve felt the need to have until now.
This year, I really want to give up the act. I’m 26 and I don’t see why I should have to keep up this charade anymore. In the eyes of the Catholic Church, I’ve committed so many “sins” I should probably be excommunicated anyway. On top of that, the fall of, as well as what I have learned this year about systemic sexual abuse throughout the clergy, has made it impossible for me to stomach the thought of entering a Catholic institution.
It’s noble that you’re thinking about trying to please your mom, but do you need to put yourself through this? Similarly, there was a time when I regularly attended Christmas Eve Mass at my local church and I despised every second of it. I did it because it made “others” happy, but finally I said, “Yeah, I’m not doing this again”—and guess what happened? People were temporarily disappointed, but the world kept spinning, and my loved ones still loved me.
You can say something like, “Mom, I’ve decided not to go to Mass going forward. It’s a personal decision, and I really don’t want to discuss it . I’ll be a full and active participant for the other holiday festivities, though.” Honestly, you don’t need to provide any further explanations—even to your own mother. That’s the beauty of being a certified adult.
Don’t fall victim to the toxic rationale of people believing you should suck it up for one day to make your mom happy, because you shouldn’t dothat negatively impacts your mental health to please others. The only exception is being a parent—especially this time of year. Heck, I’d rather walk barefoot through a mile of salted, broken glass than sit through an elementary school holiday performance, but I still show up every year with a smile on my face as if it’s the best time of my life.
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