Until women recognise the role they play in perpetuating the menace that is patriarchy, the cycle of abuse will continue
Up to 70% of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime.states that as much as 38% of femicide globally is committed by an intimate partner. In SA, a woman is murdered every three hours, and 51% of SA women have experienced violence at the hands of someone they are in a relationship with.
In African culture, marriage is a union of two families and historically, when a couple faced challenges they could not resolve, the wider family was summoned. Representatives from both families held meetings where men would be hauled over the coals and admonished for the mistreatment of their spouse and encouraged to do better. The victim would sit demurely, head hung low with an air of subdued triumph or frustrated defeat, depending on how long the charade had been going on.
From the minute puberty hits, mothers and aunts unite about a common cause — making sure you are ready to be a. What you should and shouldn’t do. How you need to conduct yourself to be perceived as suitable and worthy of the gift of a man and a marriage proposal. Any bad behaviour is reprimanded with threats of either never finding a man to marry you, or being returned from your in-laws and embarrassing the entire family and neighbourhood.
We are told by our mothers and aunts that what we are experiencing is nothing new and being a woman means to be strong and dignified in the face of any adversity and encouraged to return and stay the course. We are taught that only weak and flighty women leave when trouble comes. And when we take their advice, we are applauded for our “strength and maturity”, as they ignore the swollen eyes, diminishing light, aching heart and Revlon covered bruises. So, when we are sent back, we stay ...
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