Former President Donald Trump allegedly shared highly classified information about U.S. nuclear submarines with an Australian billionaire who was a member of Mar-a-Lago. The Onion asked other members what government secrets the 45th president shared with them, and this is what they said.
Rod Morris, Driver “I delivered a pizza, and he shoved some nuclear schematics in my pocket and told me Iran would pay me plenty.” Kathleen Morgan, Restaurateur “He offered to disclose the location of the White House to me for $50,000.” Paul Wiley, CEO “Let’s just say I have everything I’d need to assassinate the entire Cabinet in under 20 minutes.” Tabitha Moody, Heiress “Far more people were killed on 9/11 than the public knows, and I was one of them.
” Susan Carney, Oil Executive “He was offered a three-year, $150 million NBA contract after he threw paper towels to Hurricane Maria victims, giving scouts for the Washington Wizards a chance to see his shooting form.” Wu Yongrui, Diplomat “I was assured the U.S. military was too weak to resist China because they all wear skirts and go to therapy now.
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