ADHD doesn't make a marriage easy, but it can be manageable -- and happy -- when both partners realize there are good explanations for some of the tricky aspects of ADHD. Even better, there are strategies to overcome them.
quickly improved. She agreed to prepare lists of chores, and he began to do more around the house. “Now we have a dry-erase board in our kitchen,” says Patricia. “We write down our schedules for each month, and pin invitations, appointment cards, and other reminders to the board. We check it every morning and talk with each other during the day to make sure we do everything we have to do.”
“Don’t be afraid to say, ‘What do you mean?’ to each other,” says Ken Zaretzky, an ADHD coach in Wheeling, Illinois. “I counseled a couple who told me that one day the husband, who has ADHD, said he was going out to the movies. When he returned after 11 hours, his wife said, ‘Where have you been? You said you were going to a movie!’ He said, ‘No I didn’t, I said I was going to the movies, and I saw four[Writing things down may be the most useful strategy of all.
“We’re in the middle of redoing our bathroom,” says Darcy. “Eric’s approach was to start ripping down the wallpaper. Mine would have been to Google ‘wallpaper removal,’ write down all the steps, get the proper tools, line them up, andstrip the wallpaper. I admire Eric’s gumption and his willingness to plunge in, but often he gets in over his head.”
Darcy has learned not to impose her approach in every situation. Now that Eric’s office is finished, for example, she doesn’t nag him about his clutter. “That’s his space, where he works,” she says. “When clutter builds up, I shut the door.”Having separate spaces has been helpful for another couple who share an ADHD diagnosis, Lori and Scott Shattuck, of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Lori habitually left her clothes lying on the bedroom floor. That bothered Scott, who is a bit of a neatnik.
Dr. Orr offers a simple strategy: Keep all bills and receipts in a notebook. Once a week, the partner who is more diligent about money goes through the book, reviews the expenses, and pays the bills. Routines have enabled Bob Ball, of Farmers Branch, Texas, to enjoy career success for the first time in his life. After years of watching her husband hop from job to job, Bob’s wife, Julia, finally helped him get organized. “Every Sunday night,” she says, “I make him his lunches for the week. We set his cell phone to buzz twice a day, when he needs to take his medication.
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