Living My Childhood Fantasy at the 'World's Busiest' Red Lobster

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Living My Childhood Fantasy at the 'World's Busiest' Red Lobster
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Living out a childhood fantasy at the 'world's busiest' Red Lobster

to the Restaurant Opportunities Center, between 2005 and 2016, “Darden has paid over $14 million to settle lawsuits from servers around wage and hour violations at Olive Garden and Red Lobster.” Bill Darden, wherever he is, is not happy!

The Times Square Red Lobster is allegedly the “world’s busiest” and occupies a full three floors on one of the busiest corners in Manhattan. Jimmy Kimmel and Nicki Minaj, who had worked at and been fired from several different Red Lobsters, hadhere the week prior, pulling up in a hot pink limo; the sketch ended with Minaj being gifted an entire basket of biscuits.

Unlike Ryanne, I was there for one reason and one reason only—to eat as many Cheddar Bay Biscuits as humanly possible, after spending three decades on this planet sans biscuit, despite coexisting with the Cheddar Bay Biscuit for two of those decades. When I asked Clover to describe the Cheddar Bay Biscuit, she said they were “perfect.” After I asked her to elaborate, she had this to say: “They’re buttery, garlicky, and cheddary, all in perfect balance.

I told our waiter, the very patient Evonda, that I was a Red Lobster virgin, eager to be deflowered. “When I started working here, I gained so much weight!” she told me. Evonda was very slender, and, I suspected, a model. “Don’t get too full off of the bread,” she warned.We were handed an eight-page, double-sided menu, where it read, in extremely small print, that with each entree you order, you get UNLIMITED BISCUITS.

Since I felt bad for not ordering an actual lobster, I tacked on the Lobsterita, an alcoholic beverage that I learned only when it arrived at our booth in its gigantic margarita glass is actually meant to be shared among five friends, or two people who are committed to becoming severely drunk at a Red Lobster in Times Square at 12:52 p.m. on a Tuesday. “Wow!” I said when it arrived. “I didn’t expect it to be so big,” Clover said.

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