Is this a deal breaker?
Illustration: J.V. Aranda Welcome to It’s Complicated, stories on the sometimes frustrating, sometimes confusing, always engrossing subject of modern relationships.
But for the last five years, I have lived with a man who almost never says “I love you.” Our relationship progression has been pretty typical — lots of passion and butterflies in the beginning, giving way imperceptibly over a couple of years to a comfortable, worn-in kind of happiness.
It’s also normal to say — and hear — those “magic words” less often over time. In 2014, market-research firm YouGov surveyed more than 2,000 British adults on the subject of love and emotional expression, and found that only 33 percent of couples who’ve been together a decade or more said “I love you” every day. In relationships that have lasted 50 years, daily “I love you” usage dropped to 18 percent.
“As people say, ‘Talk is cheap,’” he says. “Words are easy, and often they don’t carry a profound meaning. What is important is whether you feel in his behavior and actions that he loves you. It’s about his attitude toward you, and the activities you do together. Whether he wants to be with you, do things with you, know your values and adopt some of those values.”
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