MANCHESTER, NH—Saying they had heard each one of his anecdotes “a thousand times,” local siblings Lindsay, Alex, and Danielle Curtis told reporters Monday they were tired of listening to their father repeat the same boring stories about his skillful, selfless lovemaking.
“Dad just loves telling the story about the first time he met Mom, and how they immediately hit it off, and how she had the first multiple orgasms of her life that night, but now every time he starts in with it, I just sigh and think, ‘Here we go again,’” said 15-year-old Alex Curtis. “You have no idea how many times he’s repeated the same line about his feather-light kisses up Mom’s inner thigh, and the one about delicately parting her labia and rapidly fluttering his tongue over her clitoris.
“By the time he gets to the point in the story where Mom’s screaming his name and arching her back in ecstasy, we’re all just bored out of our minds,” he added.According to the Curtis children, their dad has told one particular story about a vacation to a ski resort in 1991 so often that each of them said they could recount in detail every last probe of their father’s fingertips, phrase of dirty talk, and sexual position he performed over the course of the entire weekend.
“It seems like whenever we’re riding in the car or out at a restaurant together, Dad will say to us, ‘Did I ever tell you kids about that time I got your mother off through nipple stimulation alone?’ and we all just groan and roll our eyes,” said youngest daughter Danielle Curtis, 13. “When he gets to the end, all of us chime in at the same time and say, ‘Your mother came so loud that the neighbors woke up and turned their lights on.’ Jeez, you’d think he’d get the hint by now.
Eldest daughter Lindsay Curtis admitted that, each time her father launches into another of his old tales, she always mentally urges him to speed up and get to the part where her mother is left quivering, flushed, and splayed on the bed, so that she can finally change the subject.“They’re nice stories, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just tiring to hear every single day about how Dad leaves Mom begging for his deep, skillful penetration,” Lindsay said.
“And honestly,” she continued, “I’m going to have kids of my own one day, and I think it might actually be kind of sweet to hear Dad tell them their first story about how he went down on their grandmother for over an hour right there on the floor of our family room.”
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