.jiatolentino on the clutches of success, controlling her internet habit, and learning to plan for the future
In conversation and writing, Tolentino’s thoughts — almost always candid and self-deprecating — seem to sprawl. A single essay roves from C.S. Lewis to DJ Screw to MDMA, but she spools them together into a big-picture theme. Inshe returns again and again to selfhood, and how our identities are warped by the constant performance and monetization of them in the internet age. “I just have this natural suspicion about any narrative we make up about ourselves,” she says.
Also, I went to a fiction MFA program, and I’m so aware that books really don’t sell. It’s just so unlikely that it would be successful, because so few books are. But there’s probably another real reason underneath this that I haven’t thought of yet.Yeah, like maybe I’m trying to retain some sort of unearned naiveté or something. Maybe it’s just me not wanting to grow up.
And I don’t know. You think that you’ll gain enough power and then walk away, but I’m not sure that I will. I think about this all the time. Because I always think about things in terms of desires, needs, and freedoms. It’s like, “What do I desire to partake in? What do I desire to reject? What do I need to partake in for survival reasons, and what am I free to say yes and no to?” And hopefully you do trade one for the other.
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