What better time than the solstice to offer the rest of the country the spectacle of Victorians wringing their hands at the kind of weather people in Calgary equate with the August long weekend?
Knee-high snow. Minus seven. Still living next to Alberta.I called city hall. “For this we pay an average of $1.3 million for a glorified garden shed? For this we endure two-sailing waits?”So I called the North Pole instead. “There appears to have been some confusion,” I said. “I distinctly remember asking for a $122,000 electric vehicle this Christmas, but you sent me a natural disaster by mistake.
Well, had to admit he had us there. Victoria, where Blundstones are considered winter boots, minus 20 is the sale price, garden spades are snow shovels and four-wheel drives are abandoned on the side of the road the moment the rain turns frighteningly white. My cousin Vern L.E.Q.
Some Victorians, on the other hand, don’t even make eye contact during fistfights, or sex. You could stand at the corner of Fort and Government yodelling Bohemian Rhapsody and the guy next to you would just stare intently at his phone, wishing you away.Walking down the street revealed a city that appeared to have microdosed on happy pills. I came across two women, next-door neighbours, introducing themselves to each other as they shovelled their driveways.
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