An excerpt from RachelKrantz's memoir
Illustration: by Paco May One night, when I asked if there was anything he desired in bed that I could be giving him but wasn’t , Adam confided in me his most powerful fantasy — seeing me have sex with another man.
But I’d certainly never heard a man admit his interest in this fantasy before. Had a boyfriend suggested it earlier, I’m certain I would have been interested. Anyone who’s even heard of YA knows the fantasy of two guys fighting over you can run early and deep. “So … you like jealousy?” I asked, taking in this welcome news.
“Well, your fantasy definitely sounds fun to me,” I said, straddling his lap. The whole idea felt subversive and primal. In fact, I could hardly imagine a fetish I’d rather share. Or a more ego-safe way to wade into the waters of non-monogamy. We both came that night imagining making his kink a reality.
Ever since I first got that good-throbby feeling from watching mermaid Ariel turn into a naked human, there whatever I was … was. I’d masturbated furiously to even the abysmal last season of The L Word. But that doesn’t prove anything, I’d think to myself. Not because I didn’t want to like women — but because I worried I simply wanted to want them and had tricked myself into homoerotic feelings.
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