'I was 23 when I finally discovered there was a word for my experiences and feelings.'
with them. I can count on one hand the number of men I’ve kissed in my life or have even been attracted to and I have no problem with that number. In no way do I feel that I’ve missed out because, to my body’s inclination, I’d much rather have a seven-hourlong conversation with someone than be physically intimate with them.
I’m a romantic at heart. I’ve just never been a “lock eyes in the bar with a stranger” kind of romantic. This school sweetheart was my partner for about six years. Our extremely ugly official breakup happened months after I started disconnecting emotionally because I knew in my gut he was cheating. Having always been close to the LGBTQA community I have always had amazing friends to confide in about these feelings I had. They told me my feelings were normal, and they told me about asexuality, a few told me about their own asexuality.That’s asexuality too, they’d explain. Like so much else, sexuality is a spectrum. They told me I sounded like a demisexual, someone who exists in between asexuality and sexuality, someone who needs a strong emotional bond to feel attraction.
After that breakup and after finally understanding my demisexuality, I tried to meet people and seek out that feeling of attraction again. And OkCupid was a godsend. I enjoyed how full profiles were to other dating apps, and I spent a lot of time reading profiles, getting to know a guy before messaging them. I put a lot of time into reading through their likes and dislikes, and wondering if I would consider being their friend before I connected with them.
By the time we met, we’d been messaging for a week, and I was very upfront about being demi. “Just so you know, I’m demisexual. I’m only attracted to people I have a deep emotional connection with,” I told him.
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