Sometimes I just need a bubble of solitude.
When you think about your favorite part of the day, is it snuggling your kids at bedtime? Netflix and chilling with your SO? That first sip of coffee in the morning? For me, especially during theand toddler years, it was that first moment they were all finally down for the night It was that moment I could take that first breath of relief, knowing that all of myAnd in that glorious quiet, all I wanted to do was sit in my aloneness. No snuggles.
But sometimes we prefer to love them from a distance—like across the room, for example. Or maybe on the other side of a wall or two. Sometimes weBecause here’s the thing no one understands until you’ve mothered tiny feral humans all day long: There is no personal space. None. There is never a moment that’s truly yours. Even if you get the toddler to, the baby is gnawing on your boob.
Therefore, at night, when I attempt to build an invisible, yet hopefully impenetrable wall around me, it’s because I need a break from being needed. I need to exist just as me, without everyone else somehow being an extension of me, for a few minutes. Sometimes for a few hours. The thing is, we do. We just also need everyone to leave us the fuck alone. We can and will take all that love and affectionBecause until you’ve endured hundreds of consecutive days during which a small person pees on you while another small person sucks on you or milk leaks through your shirt or the doorbell wakes up the baby or the toddler writes on your laptop screen with a Sharpie or walks through dog vomit and tracks it across the rug, you won’t understand.
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