Take generalized anxiety disorder and throw in a husband, three kids, a demanding work schedule and the upkeep of running a household and you’d think that would be enough to push me to the brink. And, it is.
The thing is, most people know when to throw in the towel. When to pull back, when to stop being a “yes!” mom, when to delegate more and take on less at work, when to tag in the spouse so you can just sit down. I’m not one of those people. My body might need rest, but my mind doesn’t thrive when calm and still. When I’m still, when it’s quiet, when I have a chance to breathe, then my anxiety kicks into overdrive. It fills the space. It comes crashing in wave by wave.
The only thing that truly helps me maintain some semblance of normalcy is to stay busy, but then I feel like I’m often teetering on the edge of burnout. Short tempered, impatient and exhausted. It shouldn’t be like this. I know that, and I’m trying. I deserve better, and my family does too. I deserve to just drink in a rare moment of silence in my otherwise chaotic household, or lay in the sun on vacation, or indulge in a good book before bed, without my thoughts consuming me. Robbing me of my relaxation. Prohibiting me from enjoying a shred of self-care.helps. Friends and family and my adorable kids help, but nothing takes it away completely. I still lose sleep. My thoughts still spiral out of control.
Anxiety is an everyday battle. I know there are so many people who can truly empathize with this struggle. We are beginning to speak up, so that we can feel more connected and less alone through this battle. I’ll keep fighting the good fight, and hopefully some day, my mind will give me a real day off.
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