AskPolly: “I have become seemingly all-consumed by anxiety and am close to just asking my husband to reevaluate our life plans entirely to accommodate something safer (cheaper) in case the worst does happen.” hhavrilesky advises
My husband and I are both successful, well-paid professionals excelling in our fields. We have a beautiful young child and live a great life. The problem is that this life is expensive and causing my already ever-anxious mind to spiral out of control. We have big plans, including staying in one of the most expensive cities as our home base, private school, vacations, etc. Plans that we can now afford, thankfully, but it’s not without some careful budgeting and foresight.
But let’s start with the concrete, the here and now: I’ve always been a big fan of the Panicking in Advance lifestyle, personally. I try to save money even when I’m in debt, because saving should be a fundamental habit, not a luxury. I also do this because I need to keep money in places where I can’t withdraw it easily .
Also, capitalism and the laws of supply and demand are basically predicated on the idea that people will change their behavior as market conditions change. Of course, this is not how people tend to operate. Few people want to turn on a dime.
So part of your planning for the future needs to include a very rational, calm process of looking at your worst fears and then forcibly adjusting them in order to render them more realistic. My kids go to public school. It is not the most incredible, stimulating, perfect environment I can imagine, but they’re exposed to a wide range of human beings. They’re bored sometimes, but they’re also realistic about just how boring the real world can be.
But yeah, definitely cut back and try to save more of your money. Consider sending your kid to public school, if you can’t stop imagining the unmatched trauma of removing your kid from private school. Consider not expanding your lifestyle every single time one of you gets a raise. Consider taking cheaper vacations and becoming much more conservative with your cash as a means of planning for a very uncertain future. Focus on having less but savoring it much, much more.
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